the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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