I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
