i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
