So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
