im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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