This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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