i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
birth control should be required to get into college
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
