She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
