Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
