Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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