Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
