So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
