Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
