you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
operation harelip BJ is a go
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
