FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
