He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
