sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
