I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
