I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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