there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
