he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
