Is it because I queefed?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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