Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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