Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
nutella sex= disaster
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
