I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
