Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
