That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
