exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
