no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They have beer where we have blood.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize