I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
