this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
love makes seman taste better
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
