Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
