You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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