that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
