seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would fuck him just for his dog
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize