I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
