I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
NoShamevember. You game?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
