So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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