god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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