also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
