I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
