i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
