also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
