You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
