I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
