She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
