Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
