my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we have pet lesbian snakes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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