How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
