You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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