Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
