Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
