she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Randomize
