also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
