The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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