Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize