Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she peed on how many people?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
