Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
