Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
