and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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