Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
