I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
