what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
