After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
