Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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