I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
