its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
