Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
