I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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