i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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