it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
