Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Still dying that you shit outside
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
