I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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